Confession Of A Fanfic Addict

[darkrivertempest]

Dearest Lord (in all your mercy)

I beg your forgiveness of my slacker ways, for I have indulged in reading fanfic today – and NOTHING ELSE!

Yes, dear Andrew, my nose was glued to the computer monitor from 7am to… uhm… (checks watch)… oh yeah! `Til 8pm reading a delicious little story that was 28 CHAPTERS LONG!

“Carrie, you slugabed!”

Seriously? God, I love you and all, but who uses that term these days?

“Well, apparently, YOU DO – you just wrote it.”

Oh. Right. Well, see… that’s what happens to my brain when I should be writing, cleaning, cooking – you know, all those non-idle hands things. But no. No, instead, I channel you when I should be using all that creative junk for HB.

“We’ve discussed this, young lady.”

HA! Since when am I a young lady? I thought I was a tomboy?

“I admit, you’re a special case, but then again, I like challenges!”

Great. Another person who thinks I’m a bloody challenge.

“Deity… and stop swearing, its conduct unbecoming of a woman.”

PUHLEASE. May I remind you that it wasn’t ME that decided to try out the new word they learned while visiting my uncle in the church parking lot just after services let out!

“Your brother is an extra-special case.”

Uhm, he was five and said ‘fuck’ like a bazillion times walking from the sanctuary to the car, scaring a bunch of old ladies in the process.

“Like I said – he definitely marches to the beat of a different drummer.”

That explains the music he listens to and why he stole my Queen CD’s.

“You’re evading the point, dear – why were you a lazy, good-for-nothing, slugabed today?”

OMG! I just found-

“UH HELLO? Did you even READ any of the commandments?”

Huh? *looks at previous statement* Oh! Right! Sorry. Oh my goodness – is that better?

“Somewhat.”

*rolls eyes* Okay, well for the hel… erm, heck of it, I starting reading some Harry Potter fics with the pairing of-

“That epilogue was downright laughable, I must say.”

I’m SO glad you agree with me!

“Yes, Luna would’ve made a much better emotional rock for Harry.”

Uh… yeah, sure… whatever you want.

“Do you think I should whisper in someone’s ear so they can write a fanfic that would pair those two?”

Hmmm, well, considering there’s already some fanfic out that featuring Luna and Harry, I’d say that idea is not original. Sorry.

“Drat. Oh well… continue.”

Yeah, okay… well the pairing I’ve become addicted to is… (cringes behind fingers) Snape and Hermione.

……

God? You still there?

“Oh yes… I was just cleaning out my ears, I thought you said Snape and Hermione, but you couldn’t have said that, right?”

No, you heard right! In fact, that’s the reason I was so lazy today – I was reading Snape/Hermione fics! I wonder what the paring is called? Grape? Snager? (laughs out loud) Sevmione? Anyone?

“But I thought you loved Dramione and Hermione paired with that Sagittarius Weasley, Charlie?”

Oh I do – Dramione is my first love!

“Sounds like you’re fickle. What about Hermione with Lucius? I hear Mari and Tina are trying to drag you over to that dark side?”

Can you see the grimace on my face, God? Lucious just isn’t tortured enough to interest me.

“Neither is Charlie.”

He’s deep, and quiet. Plus, he has red hair. You remember, that crush I had on Dane in the 4th grade?

“Ah yes, you’re fascination with red-headed men.”

Totally. Except Ron. He’s a doofus.

“Well I agree with you on that count.”

Good. Anyways, I was reading this totally amazing fic by subvers called, “The Love That You Take.” Wanna see the link? Yeah, I knew you would!

http://hp.adultfanfiction.net/story.php?no=600014149

“I will most certainly NOT look at an adult website, missy!”

Oh please – you were the one that said, “Go forth; be fruitful and multiply!”

“I plead the fifth.”

Constraining yourself to human laws, are we? Tsk tsk, Lord.

“Shouldn’t you be going to bed? You husband is calling.”

*snickers* Yeah, yeah… he is. But I just wanted you to know that’s why I was so unproductive today. And why Mari and Tina probably hate me now.

“They should – you corrupt them.”

I plead the fifth.

“Nice try, you’ve already confessed to sending them the story.”

But they like good fanfic as much as me! It’s only fair that I spread the wealth when I find one that compels me to read until my eyes are bulging from their sockets. I just don’t want to be alone in my obsession.

“You give that excuse every time you drag those poor women into another fandom!”

*sniffs* I’m sorry, God. I won’t do it anymore.

“Uh huh… ‘this week’ should be tacked onto the end of that sentence.”

You’re probably right. But now my eyes are tired and I want to sleep. I get to see Star Trek tomorrow!

“Another fandom?”

NO! I promise!

*fingers crossed behind my back*

I swear.